I Never Thought It Would Be Me.
I Though I Could Change Him.
I Thought It Couldn't Get Worse.
I had never been hit by any man in my life. Yes, there have always been men that abuse women, I just never thought any man that said that he loved me would ever hit me.
I WAS WRONG!
I met and married a very handsome man and after a few months into our marriage, I realized that he was not the man I thought I knew at all. I thought he had changed but the truth was he was finally showing me his true self; showing me who he was all along.
One afternoon, as we stood in the yard of his parents home, I responded to a question in a way that he did not like. I was shocked and horrified to find myself face first in the dirt after he hit me in the jaw with a closed fists. His father rushed to helped me up and me, being who I am, ran toward him to strike him back only to be hit by him in my stomach by a blow so forceful that I thought I would never be able to regain my breath. When I did catch my breath, I went to my car covered in red, East Texas dirt and drove away from him and his parents home. Later that night, he had no shame and arrived at the front door of our home crying and begging me to let him in; saying how sorry he was and that he would never hit me again and how much he loved me. His pleas for forgiveness seemed genuine, or I just needed them to be genuine, and I told him we could remain married if never hit me again. I had no idea this was the beginning of my cycle of abuse.
As our marriage continued the abuse became worse. His jealousy grew, his insults of me increased and every moment was filled anxiety.
The abuse increased and I kept it a secret. I did not want any of my family and friends to know that I was being abused. It was important to my former husband that he kept a good "front" so he never hit me in my face. His form of physical abuse became blows to my head, my stomach, even kicks in my back where no one could see the bruises. Still I stayed. I had the belief in my mind that my love for him could and would change him.
I WAS WRONG!
Because I had a college education he started to use that against me saying "you have a college education so you think you are smarter than me". He once complimented me on how attractive I was and my nice figure that all changed to words of "who are you wearing make up for" or "who are you wearing those clothes for"?
I started wearing clothes two sizes too big so that my shape was unrecognizable just so that I would not be hit. He was cheating on me with several other woman and during our marriage he fathered three other children by three other woman, and still I stayed married to this man. I was so beaten down physically, emotionally and mentally that I had no strength to fight for my own freedom from a marriage that was slowing killing me.
September 25, 1987
When I was five months pregnant, things hit their worst. My former husband had not been home in days and I was in bed asleep. He came in, pulled me from the bed to the floor, and screamed at me "What have you been doing while I was away?!" I told him I was tired and was not interested in his games and got back into bed only to find myself back on the floor because he pulled me from the bed again. This went on for hours, him dragging me from the bed, me being kicked and hit. After beating me for hours, he finally left the house.
When I got to work, I started to bleed and and so I went to the hospital. I was informed that I was going to lose my baby. While I could deal with a miscarriage, I had no idea that was not all I was about to suffer. I had a stroke, loss the function of my eyesight and kidneys. I then lapsed into a coma and I remained in that coma for two months. As I was in my coma I could hear people that visited me talking to me and I could not understand why they could not hear me talking back. It was torture.
To hear the rest of my story and where my life is today, feel free to contact me to discuss scheduling and advocacy.